I am enjoying some quiet time today. A day of Sabbath and rest is a welcome respite as I am feeling the need to integrate quietly some of the skills I am practicing here.
The last few days have been busy with the usual ranch routines of feeding, helping with building new fences, fixing fences, playing and riding horses as well as reflective Wu Wei time well spent with the herd.
I am deepening my connection with Robbie, Cristy and Sophie as well as the 10 beautiful horses here. They all are teachers in their own way, so different one from the other and yet cohesively co-existing and thriving. I feel a nice flow with the group dynamics amongst the fellow women here. We all share chores and follow our rhythms with respect to our own individual needs in a way that honours also what needs to happen on a day to day basis here on the ranch.

Some highlights these last few days:
The sacred pipe ceremony in the honour of Charlie Mc Guire. It was a remarkable experience. Robbie, Cristy, Sophie and I shared in this ceremony lead by Robbie. It was an honour to acknowledge the sacred wheel, creation,to pray and to experience some the Lakota teachings that Robbie shared with us as a pipe carrier and sharer of Eagle Medicine. It was fortuitous to receive the Hawks blessings as it circled above us and opened the ceremony. The horses too offerred their own blessings as they entered the round pen and joined up with us curoiusly sniffing the Alter at ceremony's end.

Other highlights include: Creating wholesome meals together, sharing laughter, taking an afternoon off with Sophie to go bask in the sun and refresh ourselves in the Dolores River at the feet of an enchanting sandstone canyon. The river offerred its generous clay,  we had a hoot pasting it on our bodies enjoying the raw earthy rejuvenation.

What stood out for me also was creating increased rapport and authentic sharing and overcoming some resistance vis-a-vis Cristy who helped trigger deep seated emotion relating to belonging, trust and respect. She is like a wild dominant mare who is slow at accepting a new herd member. This is teaching me about not taking it personally and allowing us to build rapport in its own good time and respecting her needs for boundaries.  It is also teaching me what it feels to be on the receiving end of having difficulty accepting a new herd member. This is a particularly potent teaching as the dynamics in my own herd/family back home have been very similar except, I was the one having difficulty embracing a new member as an integral and very valuable part of our day-to-day life back at Whispering Herd. With this, I am learning to integrate the teachings of what it means to live in authentic community and embrace differences as well as practice consensual leadership, a dance in trusting and sharing. Indeed, "the time of the lone wolf is over". Blessings to Jai for her patience and persistence in hanging in there while it took me a while to recognize her inherent strenghts in helping hold the space for one another as well as for our beloved horses.

Here are some of the Epona skills (inspired by Linda Kohnaov) we encourage one another to practice:

- Taking response-ability for assuring our emotional and physical safety and  supporting  the needs of others to this regard.
- Using emotion as information.
- "Keeping our seat" in uncomfortable sitiations-thus responding rather than reacting.
- Being Present with, aware of other's emotions.
- Attuning to body language and behaviour and reading it as important information.
- Practicing sensitivity, flexibility and responsiveness to personal space and boundaries.
 -- Creating and holding sacred space of presence and possibility. This engaged form of presence, empathy and patience is crucial in helping tap into creative solutions that arise from activating and expressing authenticity.

Enjoyed an outing with Jennifer yesterday as we ventured to the Mesa Verde cliffs. Although the site is a popular archeological site within a National Park, we were able to get away from all the tourists. Down in the canyon we hung out by ancient sandstone, played on a couple boulders and enjoyed the mid day heat while enjoying Robbie's lasagna from last night.
I loved attuning to the wind, the breat of the Creator and played my flute as a prayer and an offering of gratitude.
The outing was a fun interlude from the ranch and a natural extension to it as well.

To my delight and surprise on our way in to Mesa, I noticed from the corner of my eye, a small herd of horses. They allowed us to approach them, I stood still and admired their wild beauty. They seemed undisturbed and stood still watching. I feel like I am on what Tom Durrance would call a Holy Grail of horsemanship, attuning so closelly to horses and their simple honest ways. "Every moment you're with them, they're taking your measure with the accuracy of a creature whose very survival depends on precise readings of its environment" (Irwin, C., 2001).
Horses appreciate when they feel us genuinely calm, focused, consistent. They appreciate it when we are strong yet compassionate, they encourage us to be the best we can be, honest, present, courageous and in tune with our environment.
I feel so grateful for the lessons they teach me and for the mutual respect I feel. I am so encouraged on this journey to continue cultivating compassionate presence, authenticity and leadership.

Blessings.
A.

Today was awesome with the Herd. Awoke to another brilliant day, cool and crisp in the am and then it got hot! Even with 70 sunblock , I got golden with the beeming sun.
I relaxed with the herd before breakfast as they were just finishing theirs. I invited Jennifer and Robbie to join and was delighted they did. We all relaxed on yoga mats in April and Beau's paddock. On the other side just accross the rail were the rest of the herd. They did not lay this morning but stood guard as we humans basked in the sweetness of their smell, the comforting sound of their hay munching and their occasional blow. I found it especiallly relaxing to be breathing with April, a 29 year old Fox Trot Mare who is walking between Worlds. She is a master with the breath of fire (a Kundalinin Yoga breath). After our attuning with the Herd, we had breakfast and then mucked.
Later I formally was introduced to an Epona ceremony/session called "meet the Herd".
But instead of me choosing the horse akin to Kohanov approach, I  respectfully stepped into the herd's field and hung out while most came and visited and I, along with Jennifer and Cristy noticed who came back and seemed to want to continue join up with me. Initally I thought Hermenito and Star because I unconsciously was choosing them, joining with them. Upon checking with myself, Jennifer and Cristy we confirmed that Bella was to be the one. Initally it felt "too easy" for me. As though I held an expectations that it was to be challenging or that I had to be paired with a horse that was challenging to me behaviouraly or otherwise. When they all approached to smell me and greet me, none felt particularly challenging and thus offered a new perspective for me. Indeed round pen therapeutic sessions are not pre-planned or activity focused. In this way the moment guides what needs to be felt or happen if we allow spaciousness for it. Upon checking with myself, I realized that my interaction with Bella invited a lot of tenderness, trust and encouraged me to relaxed into my 2nd chakra, an often tense area for me where I store a lot of tension.
Interestingly here at the ranch even in this Haven of a place, it takes me a while to fully allow for profound relaxation and trust. Trust of myself to trust, trust of the herd and of my gracious host. After a beautiful Medicine Wheel ceremony honouring the four directions and calling for guidance, love and support, we started the session by doing a body scan. That's when I further felt the tension I was holding in my center and felt encouraged to let it go. I proceeded for the circle of the mandala (round pen) and sat on the mounting block. Bella immidiately came and stood by my side. For what felt like a long while she stood by my side, rested her head by my chest and belly and even briefly fell asleep. The feeling was one of complete presence, acceptance, compassion, deep rest and pleasure. As I begun to breath more deeply and feel my belly relax and soften, her breaths too deepened as we shared a few our mouths and nostrils in an intimate exchange of our essences. It was a beautiful experience. Another gift from the Buffalo Women Herd. I am so grateful for this. Not only does it feel renewing and healing, it is a profound confirmation of my own frequent experiences with Tamrah and the potency of Equine facilited healing and personal development.

Another gift today was earlier as Magick and my energy were shifted and he approached me, very friendly and respectful and after the incident 2 days ago he even laid with me and the herd yesterday morning after breakfast. I don't feel attracted to riding him however. Something about his energy when I saw him out under saddle with the other women of the ranch. He likes to test. He likes to run away. I'd rather save myself from that challenge and just build very slow with what feels solid. Today I rode Star bareback again, a gorgeous 16 hand sweety. First round pen play, then rode in the huge field and then too her out out back by the old Oaks, the sages and brush. Really awesome to ride her bareback and feel a close connection with her. Although I was told that she spooks easily on the trail, today alone with me was no issue. She responded to the bridle and french snaffle and I kept my hand quiet yet supportive. She leaned on the bit at first and then we both relaxed and it got light. She is beautiful. I learned that this was only her 3rd ride out. I feel honoured of our developing trust.
As the days unfold I continue to re-member how very fortunate I am to be living such an exquisite experience. Learning skills and attuning to the Herd, to the Great Spirit, Creator and my fellow humans. I give thanks. Especially a huge thanks to David back home and our dear Kali and Luke keeping him company and also a big than you to Jai who is looking after our two beloved equines.

Love,

Anni

Today I awoke to a brilliant cloudless sky. A welcome change from the cold and even snowy last two days. The energy here is raw much like the landscape and wind. Huge skies, sage, cacty, brush, dust, clay dry earth, huge farm freshly plowed fields with Mountains in the far distance. The weather here is unforgiving, raw and crisp. Winters must be very harsh.  Despite being early May, yesterday felt like a cold winter day back in the Koots. At 7,200 ft there is a lot of variability in the weather up here and the wind is strong.
I feel so grateful to experience the sacred space here with lots of spaciousness. I have been here four days now and getting into the rhythm of the ranch here with Robbie, Jennifer and Cristy along with all the critters. I finally feel like have landed.

There is a natural flow that happens and although there is always much to do, the vibe is generally unhurried and holistic. This in kinship to Wu Wei. While "things get done" its not about the doing. Its all about process, readiness, timing. Much like nature and the its natural cycles, seasons. We do the chores as they need to be done withough clinging strickly to a rigid agenda.
Initially when I met the herd I thought there were 9 horses, there is 10, I hadn't met Bella yet, a little Paint.
I felt so stocked to go for a ride on Apache a 16 hands white and Bay Paint Tennesse Walker gentle giant. Today I had the honour of grooming, doing circle games and riding Star a Fox Trot and absolute beauty. Deep shiny black once groomed, this amazing mare invited me first thing this morning to respectfully enter her meditative circle. I laid close to the herd and decided to lay as the vibe was sleepy. As I laid down, Star, Cody, Magick and Bridgid lay too, it was so wonderful to be resting trustingly with these magnificient Equines. I have laid many times with Tamrah, breathing in synch and resting deeply in a state of reverence and prayer but today to be amongst the herd of ten with eventually 6 of them trusting to lay and rest near me was a rare gift.
Thus far my days comprise of awakening with the sunrise, meditating, stretching, playing the flute, hangin' with the Herd, sharing meals and chores and sharing horse time with Robbie the host and Buffalo Women Ranch integrative healing facilitator and Jennifer and Cristy, two  young women who are also here on a work study. Cristy had been here over a year and Jennifer has just begun her second month. I enjoy their company. Jovial, fun, honest, soulful, strong, energetic, thoughtful, they too are on their path to deepening their own connection with themselves, the Way of the Horse and sharing their many gifts. They have been showing me the ropes so to speak in terms of ranch routine and responsibility.
There will be clients at the ranch later on in the month so I have a chance to do alot of my own inner work before I assist and support others on their own healing and learning path with the guidance of horses. The journey thus far is as intense as the landscape, honest and deep.
I had a few very insightful experiences with several of the horses already that confirmed how horses are amazing teachers for presence, trust, respect and community.
Magick, Apache and Star have touched my heart thus far. Magick with his bold reminder to trust my instincts and to enter equine space with clarity, intention and respect and to allow for trust before asking the horse to join-up. He did this by nipping my thigh when I approached him too quickly not allowing for our energetic fields to join and our breaths to synchronize. The result: a humbled selft as well as a huge bruise. A worth while occurence, a good teaching. Indeed while setting intentions clearly, to respectfully enter the herd and wait for a clear yes in safety and invitation form this Teachers. I saw a different side of Magick this morning as he too lay trustingly just a few feet away from me and his other herd mates.
Apache reminded me to allow for collection (physical and emotional) to happen naturally without force and that freedom is key. For instance when I first got on him in the fenced area he felt tense and grumpy. I persevered at communicating my pleasure for riding him and as soon as we headed for the open trail he relaxed much more prefering the fun trail ride as opposed to arena work something he has apparently done a lot of in his past as a show horse.
Today Star who I thought was a thouroughbred, apparentely is a Fox Trot gaited horse. She reminded me of the power to prepare slowly as I groomed her slowly, deliberately in preparation for the round pen play. She was awesome on the longe line. We felt well connected. did circling games on both directions, lots of halts initiated gently with the energy through the rope. I gently rode her after bareback with a rope halter, no bit. Enjoyed her long and low walk encouraged her to strecth and then asked her if she wnated to join me in more active walk and then a trot. Her gait felt very different from what I am used to. She'll teach me to be a better feeler of movement and ultimatelly a better rider hopefully.
Trust was established. I look forward to being with her again and exploring together.
One of the highlights of my journey thus far is the sisterhood and support I feel from my hosts especially Jennifer. She has been so gracious in sharing glimpses of her own transformative experience. She's filled with joy and light and is also a fellow climber. We may go to Mesa Verde tomorrow afternoon... So with the gifts of presence, trust, respect, freedom and connection I welcome sleep.

P.S. Photos to come soon. I am awaiting my digital camera download wire Dave will mail me as I forgot to pack it. Thus far though I captured a few great images and Jennifer has a keen eye and took a bunch. I'll post pics as soon as I can.
With Love and Gratitude,
Anni

An exerpt from the late O’Donahue, one of my favorite teachers, Mystic and Poet. Here he speaks of the importance of coming home to oneself. To risk searching deep for purpose and for its expression. Here O’Donahue inpires us to live fully.

“THE QUESTION HOLDS THE LANTERN."

John O’Donohue, Ph.D.

Humans have an uncanny ability to domesticate everything they touch. Eventually, even the strangest things become absorbed into the routine of the daily mind with its steady geographies of endurance, anxiety and contentment. Only seldom does the haze lift, and we glimpse for a second, the amazing plenitude of being here. Sometimes, unfortunately, it is suffering or threat that awakens us. It could happen that one evening, you are busy with many things, netted into your role and the phone rings. Someone you love is suddenly in the grip of an illness that could end their life within hours. It only takes a few seconds to receive that news. Yet, when you put the phone down, you are already standing in a different world. All you know has just been rendered unsure and dangerous. You realise that the ground has turned into quicksand. Now it seems to you that even mountains are suspended on strings.

If you could imagine the most incredible story ever, it would be less incredible than the story of being here. And the ironic thing is that story is not a story, it is true. It takes us so long to see where we are. It takes us even longer to see who we are. This is why the greatest gift you could ever dream is a gift that you can only receive from one person. And that person is you yourself. Therefore, the most subversive invitation you could ever accept is the invitation to awaken to who you are and where you have landed. Plato said in The Symposium that one of the greatest privileges of a human life is to become midwife to the birth of the soul in another. When your soul awakens, you begin to truly inherit your life. You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces, repetitive talk and weary roles and slip deeper into the true adventure of who you are and who you are called to become. The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown. Yet we are afraid of the unknown because it lies outside our vision and our control. We avoid it or quell it by filtering it through our protective barriers of domestication and control. The normal way never leads home.

Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns. Now you realise how precious your time here is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self; your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language. You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity. Now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change. You want your work to become an expression of your gift. You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells. You want your God to be wild and to call you to where your destiny awaits.

You have come out of Plato’s Cave of Images into the sunlight and the mystery of colour and imagination. When you begin to sense that your imagination is the place where you are most divine, you feel called to clean out of your mind all the worn and shabby furniture of thought. You wish to refurbish yourself with living thought so that you can begin to see. As Meister Eckhart says: Thoughts are our inner senses. When the inner senses are dull and blurred, you can see nothing in or of yourself; you become a respectable prisoner of received images. Now you realise that ‘eternal vigilance is the price of liberty’ and you undertake the difficult but beautiful path to freedom. On this journey, you begin to see how the sides of your heart that seemed awkward, contradictory and uneven are the places where the treasure lies hidden. You begin to become true to yourself. And as Shakespeare says in Hamlet: To thine own self be true, then as surely as night follows day, thou canst to no man be false.

The journey shows you that from this inner dedication you can reconstruct your own values and action. You develop from your own self-compassion a great compassion for others. You are no longer caught in the false game of judgement, comparison and assumption. More naked now than ever, you begin to feel truly alive. You begin to trust the music of your own soul; you have inherited treasure that no one will ever be able to take from you. At the deepest level, this adventure of growth is in fact a transfigurative conversation with your own death. And when the time comes for you to leave, the view from your death bed will show a life of growth that gladdens the heart and takes away all fear.”



retrieved on Dec 4, 2009 from: http://www.jodonohue.com/reflections/





 

Today I am enjoying the quiet of the Whispering Herd abode. My garden is in, got it all finished yesterday just prior the rain. Now I pray for all those gorgeous seeds to stay cozy in Pache Mamas soil, to slowly yield and open to the Sun nourishment in the coming days, to sprout and grow into full beautiful plants. Sunflowers, corn, zucchinnis, parsley, potaotoes... and countless perennials in the flower beds. When I return in June, it will be so much fuller.
I pray David and Jai will remember to water when needed.

So tomorrow my old friend accompannies me to the airport where I'll fly West to Vancouver stay overnight and then Friday flyin' to Denver and then Cortez, Colorado. I saw in the news some heavy wind warnings in the South West..I hope it will quiet down for my safe arrival.
Although my focus will be on immerssing myself in the teachings of the Buffalo Women Ranch, I hope to get a chance to spend some time in Monument Valley & Mesa Verde..some very powerful places..
Off I go to spend some quality time with loved ones and continue final preparations prior my big journey...

3 more sleeps prior my journey South.. I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to engage in a five week work study experience at the Buffalo Women Ranch down in Dove Creek Colorado where I will apprentice with Robbie Nelson (co-founder of the ranch) as an Equine Integrative Healer.

Robbie is an Epona approved instructor. She studied with Linda Kohanov, internationally recognized founder of the Epona approach and author of Tao of Equus - A Woman's Journey of Healing and Transformation Through the Way of the Horse  (2000), Riding Between Worlds - Expanding our Potential through the Way of the Horse (2007) and Way of the Horse - Equine Archetypes for Self-Discovery (2007).
Robbie incorporates the Epona model into her own holistic approach. When I read the Tao of Equus back in 2002, I was astounded and inspired by the amazing possibilites for the Horse-Human healing partnership.

Since then, I have engaged in my own learning journey through academia and worked as a counselor for a local mental health center. I completed my degree in Social Work with Honours in 2009 and have since 2002 experienced first hand the power of presence and transformation horses encourage, model and support. I have learned this with Tamrah my beautiful thoroughbred Quarter horse cross mare along with her herd mate Prowler, a wise Appaloosa. The sunny plateau that we share with our equine friends is populated by numerous horses in all directions. I call this the Valley of the Horses.

I continue to evolve and learn on my own transformational path with the inspiration and support of my four legged friends. Not only have I been personally transformed (an ongoing process) by my equine teachers, I have witnessed others on their own healing paths.
I much resonate with the Epona approach. Seen under this paradigm, the horse is no longer used and seen as a beast of burden or a tool for ego's gratifications but respected as a sentient being and honoured as a wise teachers for Presence, authentic purpose and compassion.

I so look forward to be immersed in the teachings and wisdoms of the White Calf Buffalo at Buffalo Women Ranch. Being invited into another herd to share "The Way of the Horse" and work alongside Robbie in her Integrative Healing practice is an honour.
I give thanks to my ancestors and teachers that guide me, to the Spirit of the Buffalo, to my equine brothers and sisters may they continue to light the way. I particulalry give huge thanks to my beloved David, who has been so supportive along my realization path with the unexpected detours along the way. He continues to inspire me with his gentle compassionate presence and gives me unconditional support, a rare quality in a two legged creature.
I give thanks also to my parents who believe in me, especially a huge thank you to my father who has modeled a pionneer spirit with his courage, vision and persistance.  I was recently so touched of his learning more about the realm of Equus in his wish to understand this unrelentless passion I have for  horses. Blessings Dad!
Thanks also to my dear friend Carina who for 35 years now continues to share and witness our life's journeys. It is such a gift to have true friends. Thanks also to Jai who so cares for our equine friends and will look after them while I am away. A great hayshack manager she is, very vigilant & caring.

I would like to share a poem prayer my old friend Carina wrote for me recently in the occasion of my imminent trip.

"This is a special time indeed.
You seem to be answering
The call of the Godess
in the white buffalo cloak-
May she receive you
May you receive your true self
with gentleness and wisdom
kindness and compassion
May you hear the whispers
of your ancestors, guides
and equine brothers and sisters
May they love you well
on the journey you are continuing
May you be surrounded by Light Beings
Holding clear the Path ahead
Lifting the branches upon the Camina
Fully Alive and Awake
You leap and Duck
Walk, run and even fly
with the Light of your Heart
All obstacles Become opportunities
You move with Grace, Joy & ease
Naturally into your mastery.
This is your time."

Thanks dear old friend for this blessing.






Legend of the White Buffalo:
http://www.legendsofamerica.com/NA-WhiteBuffalo.html